The Weekend Obituary
- Feb 22, 2016
- 2 min read
6 Feet Under- Another weekend passes and with it so do the lives of many living and inanimate things. This Monday, we mourn the losses of the weekend.
We first began with Jeb! 2016. It is with a great sense of relief that we can finally declare the end of the biggest political trainwreck since McCain/Palin 2008 (specifically the Palin part of that duo). Jeb, who had in no way lived up to expectation, finally called it quits after poor showings in Iowa, New Hampshire, and South Carolina (we're guessing he blew it in Nevada too). A choked-up Jeb announced the suspension of his campaign to a room (probably only semi-) full of his supporters. In his speech he said he was glad of the campaign he led and had no regrets. To this we respond, "Yeah, okay, Jeb. Keep telling yourself that."
Late Friday, an unthinkable tragedy occurred in the Pacific Northwest. The Portland Trail Blazers officially clowned on the Golden State Warriors, beating them 137-105. You read that right, the Warriors lost by over 30 points to another team. Damian Lillard literally blazed a trail on the court, putting up 51 points, 20 points more than the baby-faced basketball wizard Steph Curry. So to the seemingly unclownable Golden State Warriors, we weep for you.
Finally, in FA Cup news, a tsunami of embarrassment washed over Manchester City, who lost to Chelsea 5-1 on Sunday, ending their FA Cup campaign. City fielded a youthful team with (we're guessing) the desire to witness a loss of innocence for its youngest players. It's called tough love and nobody does it better than Man City. Things got so bad that Eden Hazard, the Chelsea midfielder that hadn't scored in about 80 years, actually picked up a goal. So to all of those young Man City players who had to experience that shellacking at the hands of Chelsea, we pray for your souls and wish you a speedy recovery. However, after losing by such a margin, can you ever really come back?
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